Shame on Me! Why Am I Like This?
Look at that girl! She is coming again. I have always wondered how she could possibly live her days in such a state. Her body which is not even 160 cm tall must carry all fat in every inch of her body. I bet it must be over 80 kg. Shame on her! What is on her mind? Does she expected to be loved? Is someone going to date her? She even always had a hard time finding clothes that fit her in every stores. Not because of the clothes, but her body.
You might think that sounds pretty harsh, but you might as well agree with that. That is what we see in the mirror, don’t we? Yes, that girl is me, and so are you.
Some women dream of having a body like models on the runway or like idols who sing and dance very energetically on stage with their slim bodies. Unfortunately, they have to accept that they will wake up in the morning looking far beyond their expectations. Then who will be blamed? Of course, themselves. They will always shame themselves, hoping that they will be aware and motivated to be ‘better’.
This is what it called as self-shaming. Many people struggle with feelings of shame and they will definitely loath themselves. Nina Savelle-Rocklin, a Los Angeles-based psychoanalyst who specializes in food, weight and body-image issues, said that self-shaming is a destructive mind-set, “There’s a split between us and our bodies that happens when we body shame ourselves — ‘I’m against my body, I need to whip my body into shape, I need to change my body.’ And that is antithetical to a sense of well-being.”
There are several things that cause someone to do self-shaming:
1. Feel not up to the beauty standard
It is undeniable that every place has its own beauty standards. For some who are not included or do not have a part of it, of course it will give its own burden of feeling not accepted and not recognised. They will force themselves to be able to meet the existing standards, so this is where they will do self-shaming.
2. Become a victim of body-shaming
Some people may already feel comfortable with their bodies. But it changed when someone said that there is something wrong with it. She is judged too fat, not beautiful, does not look like other women, etc. Worse yet, this is usually conveyed by the closest person, such as a friend, family members or boyfriend.
3. Learn self-shaming from people around
Appearance can change. Back then when she was ‘normal’, she found people around her body-shame themselves or other people. For instance, like her group of friends or family fat-shaming people who are overweight. That sounds like an overweight person is ‘less than’. So, when her appearance changes to fatter, she will blame herself.
Regardless of what is behind it, self-shaming should not be done. It is not an effective way of changing yourself or of dealing with mistakes. Shaming ourselves is one cause of poor self-care, but it can also be a consequence of not practicing self-care. Thus, instead of trying to get motivated by self-shaming, it is better to change your mind-set to accept yourself and listen to your body for what is best for you to do.
-Northern Ingo-
